Hmph!

No smoking. No problem...right?

So last night as my eldest brother, Jayk, my dad, and myself were sitting around a nice bonfire getting a good buzz going, the subject of the new smoking ban law in Minneapolis came up. There are so many sublevels to this subject, but in my opinion the whole thing is ridiculous. Yes I am a smoker.

If tobacco is not an illegal drug, then why are they able to ban people from using it in a public establishment? They can tax the shit out of tobacco products so the government can make its fair share off of it, but then they're going to ban people from smoking in bars, restaurants, etc? That's bull shit. Yes second hand smoke is bad. Smoking is bad period. Here's one example of why this new law is retarded:

After a night of tying a good drunk on, my eldest brother and some of his buddies go to The Uptown Bar (which is now all non-smoking) to get some bloody mary's and shoot the shit. Literally. My brother has one of the foulest mouths out of anyone I've met and I can only imagine what him and his friends were talking about.

So anyway, as they were shooting the shit so to speak my brother looks over next to him and there were children with their parents at the bar. Not teenage, but young children were sharing the bar with my brother.

Now, it's not so bad since it was a Sunday morning, versus a Friday or Saturday night, but the thought of kids at the bar is insane. The parents feel ok about it because their kids aren't exposed to the second hand smoke. Great, fine, but seriously, a bar regardless of what day it is, is not a place for kids.

Secondly, and back to my original point, how can they make it illegal to use a certain drug in certain places? Are they going to start regulating where people take shits too? The governments in many states are adhering to this new fad law, and it's so unjust. Just like they made laws for certain establishments to obtain a liquor license to serve alcohol, so people could choose if they wanted to be in that environment, they should have just let tobacco be the same way.

Why not let people make decisions on where they want to frequent. If there is a restaurant that allows smoking in a section, sit in the non-smoking section. Or just decide not to go there. There are plenty of other places to choose from without smoking. Just like smokers now decide if we can make it through a meal in a non-smoking environment.

Why, why must the government always be up our ass?

Ahhh...vacation....

So, it's not the best pic of me, but I was/am....on vacation! Dad and I were posing for a goofball one while we were camping, this was the result...More pics coming to my Myspace page soon..

So I've been here one week and two days and I only have 6 days left. I know it seems like a long vacation, but it goes by too fast! I LOVE being home. My past sucks. It's why I'm in South Carolina. I have a deep hatred for South Carolina for so many reasons.

Rocket knows most of the story of how I ended up there, but for those of you who don't enjoy:

I was 20 and thought I knew everything. I didn't have a single care in the world, and he was saying all of the right things. "Come visit the Outer Banks of NC, it's beautiful here. It's so laid back," blah blah blah..So instead of visiting, I moved to the Outer Banks of NC while I was on vacation. Literally.

I was visiting my mom in Florida and instead of flying back to MN and then VISITING North Carolina the following week, I changed my plane ticket, and flew to Norfolk, VA for a boy and never looked back. All I had was what was in my suitcase (a bunch of summer clothes) and dreams of finally breaking away from what then seemed to be an overly controlling family, and a horrible lifestyle. (Funny how there was really neither of those things in hindsight, but you know the saying.) I left everything. I left a fully furnished apartment, car, etc..

So there I was, on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. In love, happy, not a care in the world. Got a job, partied my ass off, did a lot of things I shouldn't have done and then things started going south. When his drug addictions started taking away from our relationship, I said, "Peace. I'm out."

I could party and not look for more. David couldn't. After the first year of being there, I kind of "woke up" I guess you could say and started looking towards my future. David was looking for his next bag of pot, and the next party. So I left him. Didn't have a place to live, and shortly after leaving him, didn't have a job. So I was living out of a hotel. LOL. Somehow I had some extra money left, and went hunting for jobs. Enter Sperm Donor.

I was at the salon of all places getting a haircut so I could look my best for interviews, and there he was. I had met S.D. ( I won't call him by his name cause he doesn't deserve it.) We started flirting, flirting led to a drink after we got out of the salon, then we were pretty inseparable after that. Doing a LOT of shit we shouldn't have been doing. This was back in October 2002. Keep in mind I was 21 by this point on the rebound.

Not even a full 3 months later (I had a job by then. Not a good one, but one that paid bills. I bar tended at a country club), I peed and there were two lines. I was preggo. FUCK! After the initial shock, I knew it was time for me to grow up and be mommy and leave the party and trust me, it was ALL one big party. No one in my family was unsupporting. At a time I was sure they were all going to tell me what a fuck up I was, and how was I going to do this, and how me moving away all blew up in my face, no one even hinted at it. Not even my ultra responsible hero Rocket questioned me. This is one of a trillion reasons I LOVE my family. (There's a point to all of this I promise).

So as S.D. was spewing bullshit, and I was lapping it up like a puppy about how he was going to be there for me yada yada yada, I was going through a very difficult first trimester. I had such bad morning sickness (even though the shit lasted all day sometimes) I was hospitalized 3 times to get I.V. fluids because I could not even keep water down. After the third time of S.D. and I getting back from the hospital (keep in mind I didn't have insurance and I couldn't get medicaid because I believed he was going to be there, so they based it off of both our incomes), and he leaves me still weak on the bed or couch to go get high or drunk with his friends, I give in. I call the closest person to rescue me. Mom.

She came to get me the very next day. I offered S.D. to come with us as we had previously discussed it prior to this incident. But S.D. just didn't want to leave the party. "I'll send you money and come visit, etc etc etc." Logan is now almost 4 years old and not once has S.D. called, sent presents, not even a hello, no money, zip.

Am I resentful? Hell no. WE are so much better off without him, and luckily it all led me to Jayk. Logan's daddy. He gets the title. He gets the benefits, and he gets the unwavering love from an awesome three year old and the three year old's mom. Me! LOL.

So what's the point? Yes, I'm getting there.

I love Jayk. I love my son. I HATE South Carolina. It has a crappy education system (the crappiest in the United States) as a matter of fact. Most of the people there I have encountered are so Southern for a lack of better term and the whole atmosphere down there is just warped. People's viewpoints on things suck, they're so old school you would think slavery would still be an option.. Don't even get me started on the dependant Southern Belles that can't even think for themselves. Most women are idiots down there. Sure it's warm and I don't have to shovel blah blah blah. But every year I go on vacation, it is bittersweet on so many levels.

I feel like I don't get enough time to do all the things I love and see and hug all the people I love. I know they say that vacations always go by too fast. But you see, to me it doesn't feel like vacation.

It feels like a brief glimpse or a moment I get to relive again in order to feel whole again. I'm back in the place I love and with the people I love. I'm back in the life I left so many years ago that I thought I hated and have come to find that it is my heart. It is THE life I love. A life I want more than anything to get back to. Jayk understands this on some level and I couldn't be more grateful.

I know things have changed, but at the core of "home" nothing changes. It's where I'm OK. Home is where I'm content. So when I bawl my ass off just thinking about leaving it's because I'm leaving it all over again. When I cry saying good bye to family and friends every year, it's not because I'm afraid I'll never see them again. It's because I'm both happy that I got to see them again and heartbroken that I've missed so much time with them.

Until I can move back (goal is summer of 2009), I must realize everything good comes with an ounce of pain. But I still love my "vacations."

The time has come!(or just random thoughts)

Yay! Today, we begin our road trip back home to MN/WI. I use both states, because I love them both equally. However, I hate the Green Bay Packers, go Vikes!

So I woke up at 5 AM today because I want to get a move on and get the hell out of here. Thinking that my darling baby boy would wake up early as usual (like around 6-630AM) I would take the quiet time to get caught up and get my assignment done for school today. This worked out well, since I was able to read a chapter about new religious movements and answer my discussion question that was due today. Boy was that chapter eye opening and kind of scary.

I am so happy that these two classes are almost over! Religions of the World has been interesting as hell because I knew literally nothing about any religion, and Environmental Science is like a bad acid trip into eighth grade; when I hated the junior high version of this class as much as at the college level.

So anyway, my religions class has further hammered the last nail so to speak, as to why mass religion makes no fucking sense to me at all. The only religion that made any sense to me and that I could respect and understand is Buddhism. Now mind you, I only learned the basics and have much more research to do into this religion since it is what I am writing my final paper on. However, out of all the readings in my text book and the interview I recently had with a converted friend, I can honestly respect a Buddhist.

Now I know at least one person that frequents my blog and I hers is a Buddhist, so any info that this person would like to email me about how she practices and/or perceives her chosen religion would be super awesome, and I could possibly incorporate 2 interviews/ correspondence with Buddhists I know into my paper and impress the shit out of my professor. That would be fun right?

So on my way to MN/WI on this long ass road trip, I will be reading three books my converted friend gave me, and am really kind of looking forward to it. So far I have learned that Christianity is confusing as hell, Islam is scary as hell, and all the new religions involve what I consider crazy cult like followings. As I write this, I am realizing, I am actually going to miss this class. Not writing the papers no, but the discussions and thoughts it wakes up in my brain..

If my two men would ever wake their asses up we could get this show rolling and I could stop rambling... Only a few things left to pack, and some sandwiches to make, a couple errands and off we go!

Here comes little man now...perfect...well off I go!

I will do my best to keep on blogging, but I plan on drinking lots of Leinenkuegels and relaxing while I'm working on my finals. At least the Leinies will make it interesting right? Wish me luck on this 20 hour road trip! Have a great week everyone!

Finally, Friday!

Ahhh...caffeine. I love you. Only in the mornings, but I have come to cherish our mornings together. Just the right start to my day....

So I was going to post this yesterday, but I had too much shit to do, and Jayk being ever so kind as to keep reminding me of all the shit I had to do to keep me focused. Well Jayk is at work this morning, so I can sneak this one in...

Pet Peeve #208:

So it never ceases to amaze me when I find or rediscover a new thing that annoys the shit out of me. Stupid people are everywhere. There is no escaping them. They annoy the hell out of me. The fact that stupid people are everywhere is not my rediscovery because I deal with ignorant people all day long at work.

Yesterday was no exception. I spoke with a customer who had the intelligence of my pen and the confidence of a morbidly obese woman in a g-string bikini. I notice that this particular annoyance bothers me when I'm watching TV too, especially when a newscaster does it. And here it is folks:

Customer: "I uhhh....would like to uhhhh...know why my bills is so uhhhh.... high? Uhhhh...it wasn't so high last month. Uhhhh... I know that I uhhhh..... went on vacation and uhhhh.... I used the phone a little bit more than I uhhhh... usually do, but uhhhh... I don't think that this is correct." (I am not exaggerating; this is how this customer was speaking to me.)

Newscaster: "Well Chuck, uhh...I'm not quite sure why the bus driver was drunk, but I uhhh...do know that this is just a tragedy. Back to you, Chuck."

Now newscasters don't USUALLY do it as much as normal people, but either way it drives me INSANE! I so badly want to yell at the top of my lungs at people with whom I talk to, "JUST SPIT IT OUT!" Lucky for me when I'm watching TV and this happens, I can just hit a button and the annoyance disappears. But when I'm at work, oh no, I have to suffer through it! Do you know that conversations with people like this average about 20 minutes and usually only about one small, simple topic? I've actually clocked this on my phone when I talk to them. I have stats to worry about and usually there are about 30 other customers that are waiting to talk to me.

I know that there are a lot of people with speech impediments, but this rant does not apply to them. I can deal with stuttering, or any handicap. For them, I have all of the patience in the world. I actually really enjoy helping those customers. They are so grateful and happy that they called in and got the service they deserve and that I treat them like people; not like people with handicaps.

But when what seems to be a normal person or a newscaster does it, it makes whoever is speaking generally sound unintelligent and completely oblivious to what they are talking about. It also makes me think that they don't actually think before they speak, or if they do, they intentionally put the "uhhhhs" in there for effect...or just to piss me off. I can't decide.

Ahh...another sip of my sweet caffeine... Happy Friday everyone!

A little off the wall..

is it time to go yet?
i wait anxiously for time to pass
to go back to a place
i so fondly remember
my heart longs for the feeling
i get when i am there
a place i feel i belong
a place i long to be

the roads have changed
but the one i follow back
remains the same
looking back at the wasted years
feeling it's been one big
mistake after another
i ran for all of the wrong reasons
and yet live with
feelings
pains
joys
and sorrows.

i do not regret
the life i chose
i only am sad
for all of the
changes
relationships
people
experiences
i may or may not
have been
able to forge

the time may have
passed
it may still be yet
to come
i may never
know
or i may just
go home.

Freedom of Speech?

So my friend sent me this video via myspace. I watched it in its entirety and I haven't decided what pisses me off more. Before I go on, you may want to check out the video to understand what I am about to say:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QRyr3_nCF4&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fbulletin%2Emyspace%2Ecom%2Findex%2Ecfm%3Ffuseaction%3Dbulletin%2Eread%26messageID%3D3402971961%26MyToken%3Da2e0b67e%2D3a4b%2D4ce9%2D8de

First, I am not a religious person. I do not practice a faith. However, I am not discriminatory against those who do. If you have faith in something or someone then so be it. I think it's fine and serves a purpose to certain people. If I get a religious forward from people, sometimes I may read it, sometimes I delete them. Probably more of the second of the two options...

I have seen other clips of this woman and her psychotic cult-like family. She pisses me off on so many levels and just further drives in the reason why I do not believe in mass religion. Not only is she by far one of the most disrespectful, sick, crazy bitches I have ever seen, but she is teaching this behavior to her children! Free speech is great, but there comes a point where certain people need to just shut the hell up.

She's standing on corners of funerals for people that DIED to give her that right to speak so freely! I know that the reasons we are in Iraq etc, may be shitty and relatively non-existent, but our military is ultimately there to serve as our protector, right? If "GOD" is so great, then why the hell would he/she be as judgmental as this crazy bitch and her family is saying he/she is?

What are worse is her kids, and others it seems in her community are being brainwashed the same way! Not only is she attacking homosexuals, she is essentially saying that we are all "doomed" and the the United States is getting what it deserves! I had premarital sex and had a child out of wedlock- so me and my child are going straight to hell and are doomed? I can't stand it! I can not stand religion, or people like this crazy woman.

How can they live that way? I can't believe that no one has harmed her or her family yet. I guess people must just realize that she's nuts and needs to have her and her family committed to a mental institution. Ok there, I'm done venting. But seriously, should we condone her behavior and just accept it as free speech? Why can't this woman or people like her be stopped? Aren't they just as bad as the terrorists? They hate us as much as the terrorists do right?

Interview with "moi"...

1.) If you found a defective genie who only had one wish to give you what would you wish for and why? (No wishing for more wishes)

If I were being cheesy and truthful, I would say I would wish for my son to lead a long, happy, healthy life. If I were being selfish I would wish for a paid for house in Minnesota with a fenced in back yard. Why? Well first of all, he is my son. I want him to outlive me, and be successful. He's my world. The house in Minnesota, well it would be paid for, so that's money I save, and most of all it's home.

2.) What is the greatest obstacle you have over come in your life and how did you do it?

The greatest obstacle I have overcome in my life is to take responsibility of my own actions. Sounds simple, but I was the queen of "I didn't do it," or "it will take care of itself." I had a very scary encounter about 2 years ago that made me realize every single decision I make could have a HUGE effect on my son or the rest of my life. It was during a period of pure selfishness I was going through. Around the time of my scary situation, I was partying a lot and when I was the epitome of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and noticed I was missing out on the best part of my life: my son. I snapped out of it more or less and started focusing on making my life better.

3.) You just bought your child a puppy for their birthday and gave it to them at a birthday party where all of their friends are present. "God" appears and says he will cure everyone in the world of cancer if you beat the puppy to death in five minutes in front of your child and their friends. You have to do it in five minutes and if you ever tell someone why you did it everyone's cancer would return....would you do it?

First of all, I don't believe in a "God". But for lack of better terminology, I'll play along. Second, what kind of frickin question is this!? Would I beat a dog to death in front of my son and his friends to save the world from cancer? What about the people that haven't gotten cancer yet? Would it prevent it from happening? If that was the case, and I knew I wouldn't go to jail for it, then yes, puppy must die. Without the known variables, cancer is treatable and curable in some cases right now, and if there was a chance of going to jail, then heck no I wouldn't!

4.) Have you ever seen Rockets rocket and is it as big as we think?

Brian, you pervert. No I have not seen Rocket's rocket, but if the family genes hold true, and having a son with the same gene, I'm sure it probably is! LOL!

5.) In twenty words or less what would you want your tombstone to say?

Never regret anything in life, because at one time, it was exactly what you wanted. ~CES 1980-xxxx

Now it’s YOUR turn to play:

Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions. Update your blog with the answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Update on my lumps!

Ok, so I went to the doctor today. Dr. Little has to be the coolest doctor ever. Not only is he Irish, and I love listening to the accent, but he's not all stuffy and doesn't speak in medical terms that most people don't understand.

Over the past two years I've put on a couple pounds (not that I am huge by any means), and that was part of my worry. Diabetes runs thick in my family, and I was also experiencing numbness in my hands from time to time. Then the lumps came and that really worried me. Doctor Little made me feel 90% better. He told me that the lumps, who I will now name Jayk Jr., and Logan Jr., were just from swollen lymph nodes. He said they didn't seem to be infected as they aren't irritated or painful. They could have just been something like a minor infection that seems to be going away now. Yay! The headache I had when I woke up this morning instantly disappeared. Then I got the lecture about smoking. Yea yea yea..It's not that I don't want to quit, I can't right now. Rocket, don't start with me, I can physically quit yes, but mentally right now I can't. So just save it. I love you!

That was another thing we talked about. He kept asking me why I was so anxious all the time and why I was so stressed out. My answer was, "because it's what I'm good at." I can't help it! He kind of laughed at me and told me to stop letting things bother me so much...easier said than done when you work full time, have a child, go to school, and attempt to remain a romantic relationship. I stopped biting my nails (only because I got them done) and he said that was probably an anxiety thing too. Duh? I KNEW that. Either way, he said I have to watch the anxiety thing too.

I digress, back to the diagnosis. Since he has some concerns about the weight (even though I've lost 6 pounds, which I was thrilled about in the past two months) and the heavy predisposition to diabetes in my family and on top of that I was border lining gestational diabetes when I was pregnant; off to the lab he sent me for blood work. So that's where we stand now. I gave a tube of blood (and I HATE needles) and am waiting for the results which he said I should have by tomorrow.

At least now the worry about some weird cist or tumor is gone. I'm not as worried about the possible thyroid or diabetes issue, because I can control those. So now that my head isn't as full of worry, I get to play catch up again in school. Bleh. Off I go, I will continue to update on this fun little f*&#ed up adventure of my health when I hear something about the blood tests.

Random, but mostly a good week...

Cans, cans, cans, dried foods, and more cans. I'll be dreaming about cans and dried goods for days to come. We had a food drive at work along with a "friendly" competition on whose team would donate the most. I was the team captain for my team to motivate my teammates and remind them to clean out their pantries and donate. The final results are not in, but I think I have the winning team! I personally donated 161 items and the remaining of my team donated 542 for a total of 703 items! There were only about 6 of us who donated out of 10 which is kind of sad, but I'm just happy we donated what we could. All of it is being donated to the low country food shelf.

I am hoping against hope that we are the winning team. It would mean that an underdog team beat everyone. I'm always rooting for the underdog. I say we were the underdog team because everyone else's team had a supervisor. My supervisor is on extended leave and is ill. The way it worked out is when teams started lagging in numbers; the supervisors were picking up the slack by spending money to donate. (Our supervisors at work make pretty good money and can afford to do this.)

Needless to say there was only one other team that came anywhere near matching if not beating us. I tried to keep focus that it was all for a good cause, but I am VERY competitive. The team captain of the team I was struggling against was Jayk's team! The thing is, I was supposed to be on Jayk's team, but his supervisor was a girl that was hired with me and did some shady things to get me off her team. So it was almost like competing against her.

They had us beat until the last day (yesterday 4/30/07). My team did a sneak attack! We brought in over 400 items yesterday alone! It was great! So everyone keep their fingers crossed that at the last minute she didn't go out and get more stuff! I will keep everyone posted. I will say it was definitely a fun event, and I think I figured out a new workout in the process. Carrying bags of cans up two flights of stairs will do wonders for your cardiovascular and muscular health!

Anyway in the midst of all that craziness Logan had two weeks straight with no problems or timeouts at school. I'm extremely happy about this because that's a difficult feat for a 3 year old! I'm trying to hold onto the good stuff right now like my vacation, the food drive, Jay, Logan, and my friends. I'm trying not to stress about not being able to stay up in MN for good, our upcoming increase in rent, posting to another position, keeping my grades up, or the weird bumps I found on the back of my head that hurt. (No they're not from any kind of rowdiness, perverts -minus Rocket since you don't think of your little sis that way.)

I'm hoping they are just from stress or the heat or something. I'm hoping it's not my lymph nodes or something more serious. There's one on each side of my neck behind my ears at the base of my skull and one on the back of my head at the base of my skull (that's the only one that hurts.) I have a doctor's appointment Thursday morning, and I'm sure I'm just overreacting; regardless I would rather be sure. I don't want to go on vacation and something happen or I get sick. Better safe than sorry right?