My life as music..

While listening to a shuffle on my play list I came across a song that made me think of my brother Rocket's post a while back that can be found here: http://rocketstarinmpls.blogspot.com/2007/05/i-dont-quite-understand-it.html

Music is one of the best things us monkeys created yes indeedy Rocket. While doing homework and listening to a random shuffle of my music files on my computer, I stopped everything I was doing to close my eyes and listen to this one song. I think I could honestly write an autobiography with music that has touched my life and left an imprint in my soul.

The Samples came on; "Nothing Lasts for Long". That song and I have so many damn memories it almost made me cry just listening to it. But I just sat on the couch with my eyes closed remembering. My dad introduced me to this band along with many others. I got hooked on the No Room album.

Music ties me to places and times I never want to forget. Certain artists, songs, and albums will forever keep memories most would forget alive in my mind. The Samples were a big part of my late teen, really depressed screwed up, early adult years when I didn't know my head from my ass.

I remember so many nights listening to that album outside drinking a beer or mixed drink with my dad and talking about everything under the sun. Going to my dad's was like going to my own private sanctuary to get away from it all. Then there were times I would listen to certain songs and swear that they were written about my life, and it's so amazing how you listen to a song at one age and it molds into a whole other meaning later in life. "Nothing Lasts for Long" is one of those songs.

I burnt so many bridges and learned so many hard lessons growing up, and have spent most of my early adult life trying to repair some of those bridges. I missed so many things I wish I hadn't being a rebellious teenager, that I'll never get back. So even though music brings back good memories and ties you to a place, it can open old wounds no matter how much you love to hear those songs.

One of the best memories I have of the Samples is going to First Ave with my dad and my brother Rocket to hear them play. It was the first and only time I've seen them live. More importantly, it was the first time I ever really "hung out" with my big brother outside of family functions. I don't think he's realized it with all the dysfunctions we've both dealt with in our lives growing up, but I wanted so badly to be like him. I was just too self-centered and envious of him to try to talk to him on his level. So as I grew up and learned everything the hard way, he always lent advice when I needed it whether I took it or not, but as I started making better choices for myself, I noticed our relationship improved too. I just wish I had more moments like the night I saw The Samples with him at First Ave. If I had not been such a selfish bitch, I may have. So as great of a band/song it is, it is an awesomely bittersweet memory that I cherish.

I don't regret my scars or the mistakes I've made, because I've learned from them all. Would I have made choices differently had I known? Wouldn't we all at some point with some thing in our lives? Let's just hope that the band aids are big enough and that time really does heal all wounds......