Where there's a willl..there's a way...

So I haven't done anything illegal to put myself in jail, or have a girlfriend named (Bertha) Mags, I've just been kind of existing. I've pretty much succumbed to the fact that I am going to be stuck at work for a while. I'm going to start putting resumes out there, but just entry level positions only start at 22k-28-k. I could deal with anywhere from 26-28k, but I think that to get those higher end starting salaries, you'd probably at least have to have an associates, field training, or be a kick ass bullshitter during your interview. None of which I have. So, I'm not full-pressing it as much as I wanted to, but I am still looking.

Plus my work has done the latest stupid thing directly to me. They just put me on a team with a supervisor that works Monday through Friday 2PM-11PM, which is fine and dandy because she's really nice. There is one snag, I work 7AM-4PM Saturday through Wednesday. So that means I will have a supervisor 3 days a week for 2 hours a day. Good thing I've been there three years and can work pretty much independently.

I haven't really been blogging because of the dark hole I've been in for a while. I can't help it. I've been stressed about a lot of shit that I prefer not to blog about. Let's just say when everything is going great it all has to blow up in my face. Jayk and I are fine..well kind of. Because he has been down and out about his knee (preventing him from running calls) and I have been stressed about other stuff, our communication has been taking a hit. The only reason is because when I get down and he can't fix it, he gets down and it's just a spiral from there.

Ok, our rental office screwed up and sent a disconnect order to the electric company for our house. It was supposed to be for another house. We got our security deposit back in the end of July with a credit balance. (We didn't know about the mix up in our rental office at that point.) So we just assumed since we've been at this place for a year that we were getting our deposit back because of our good payment history, like what our work does for customer's with security deposits.

Then, right before August rent is due, our office sends us a notice telling us about the mix up and that they paid a partial balance and could we reimburse them. Fine, no biggie. At that point, we call the electric company to see what we DO owe them, and they tell us wait for the next bill because the payment the office made has not hit the account yet. Ok. Fine. Wrong.

We got our bill this month, and they want $478.00! We call them, and they tell us that we weren't supposed to get our deposit back for 2 years not 1 and that we have to repay the deposit, plus the credit balance for July and then August and September's invoices. The deposit is $230. ($5 of that a membership fee, as if we have much choice on who provides our electricity.) I know that there are those much worse off than Jayk and I, but I HATE being screwed with money, and we had used the refund of the deposit for Logan's annual registration fee for school and another bill.

So beyond the $150 I have to come up with for tuition I have this electric bill hanging over my head as well...all due by November 5th. Our rental office sucks. I hate them with a passion because all they have done since we moved in was fuck us over. Now because of them, our holiday season is screwed. I found an alternative to save us, but I'm still pissed because it is one that I didn't want to use.

Everything is screwed up right now, Jayk and I are barely tolerating each other, Logan feels it, and I'm seriously stressed out. I'm beginning to feel like my mother and that is some scary shit. I refuse to grow old and unhappy. I may just call a shrink today. I have found that not only does being an adult blow big time, but I have no coping skills. The tiniest things set me off, and I immediately feel horrible about it because it's usually the two people I care about most, Jayk and Logan, are getting the brunt of it.

Jayk is upset because he has a bum knee. We go for his MRI today but the sports specialist we went and saw last week said it could be one of four things: a tear in his meniscus disc, a tear in his ACL, aggravated cartilage or nothing at all. If it is one of the first two things, he could be out of firefighting anywhere from 3 weeks to a year. So he's pretty bummed out right now, and I know that is weighing heavily on him, since he loves the fire department, he just got certified, and he wants this to be his career. But he's kind of stopped helping around the house and gotten sucked into some online computer game. Oh, and he's been putting food out to thaw meaning to cook it, and then forgets to put it in the fridge when he doesn't cook it that day. (Making the food go bad and then wasting money.) You see the viscous circle?

As I read others blogs and see other people's problems and stuff I feel guilty about my piddly issues. That and the fact that other than what's been bugging me, I haven't really had anything great to say. No one likes a whiner, but I'm seriously down and out. Right before the holidays. Great. Something has got to give. I know I'm a survivor, but I don't want to survive. I want to live. I will figure it out, I just don't know how much damage has already been done....