Soothe

There are so many repetitions of the same emotions throughout our lives, all to different degrees of intensity. Each heartbreak feels worse than the last, each disappointment a worse betrayal than the one before it. Each joyful moment, fewer and further between at times. Yet we keep living. We keep asking for more. All of our happiness and our sorrows make us feel; even when we would rather not.

At times we would like to be emotionless, and pretend that whatever it is doesn't effect us, and at other times we let it consume us. I was told once to hold onto faith, which seems to be fleeting at best and just out of reach some days at most. Yet I do. I hold on to hope, onto faith, but lately it's like a blanket with holes in it. No matter how fast I stitch it back together, I'm already looking at more holes and I'm still cold. I know they will fill as I do, with hope, and with faith, but in the interim my head has begun to overflow with thought...my fingers can not keep up.

Everything is complicated, and nothing is free. This is my life's mantra. Nothing is free, not feelings, not words, not parts of our souls we share. They all come with a price; sometimes big, sometimes small. But each time we give a part of those things out we pay. Sometimes the rewards are great, others minimal if not a shot in the foot.I've learned to be careful with those pieces, and yet every once in a while I still get wounded; we all do. So we put band aids on wounds that are ready to burst and just hope that they never do. Some people use sex, some use drugs, some use meaningless relationships with people searching for the same, some people use words, others music to strengthen the band aid, or for some to lighten the load of what seems the world's weight on their shoulders. I have always used the latter two of the list. They are my favorite band aid, and tonight they soothe.

The two songs below (which can be heard on my play list) are like wearing a favorite pair of jeans or a comfy sweatshirt I've carried with me over the years. The first time I heard them was over 10 years ago. The artist is phenomenal, but these two songs have always spoken the loudest to me throughout life. The CD they came off of bonded a friendship for life, soothed my darkest of days, and now they speak volumes of emotions I've known so many times before...only now the blanket has no more holes.

32 FLAVORS:

Squint your eyes and look closer,

I'm not between you and your ambition,

I am a poster girl with no poster,

I am 32 flavors and them some.

And I am beyond your peripheral vision,

So you might want to turn your head,

Cause some day you are gonna get hungry,

and eat most of the words you just......said..



Both my parents taught me about goodwill,

and I have done well by their name.

Just the kindness I lavish on strangers,

is more than I can explain.

Still there's many who've turned out their porch light,

Just so I would think they were not home,

and hid in the dark of their windows,

til I passed and left them...alone.



And god help you if you are an ugly girl,

Course to pretty is also your doom,

Cause everyone harbours a secret hatred,

for the prettiest girl in the room.

And God help you if you are a phoenix,

and you dare to rise up from the ash,

A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy,

while you are.. just....flying...



I'm not driving my life meaning, by

demeaning you,

and I would, like to state for the record,

I did everything I could do.

I'm not saying that I am a savior,

I just don't want to live their way,

Oh and I will never be a saint,

but I will always say...



Squint your eyes and look closer...

I'm not between you and your ambition.

I am a poster girl with no poster,

I am 32 flavors and then some.

And I'm beyond your peripheral vision,

So you might want to turn your head,

Cause one day you might find you are starving,

and eating all of the words you just said.

~Ani DiFranco

OVERLAP:

I search your profile,

for a translation,

I study the conversation..

like a map.

Cause I know there is strength

in the differences between us,

and I know there is comfort,

where we overlap..



So come here...

Stand in front of the light,

stand still,

so I can see your silhouette,

and I hope that you have got all night,

cause I am not done looking,

No, I am not done looking..yet.

Each one of us,

wants a piece of the action.

You can hear it what we say,

you can see it in what we do,

We negotiate with chaos,

for some senseless satisfaction,

and if you won't give it to me,

at least give me a better view..



Come here,

stand in front of the light,

stand still,

so I can see your silhouette,

I hope, that you have got all night..

cause I am not done looking,

No, I am not done looking...yet.



And I build each one.. of my songs out of glass,

so you can see me inside of them....

I suppose..

You could just leave the image of me,

in the background... I guess,

and watch your own reflection,

super-imposed..

And I build each one,

of my days out of hope,

and I give that hope your name.

And I don't know you that well,

but it don't take much to tell,

either you don't have the balls,

or you don't feel the same...



Come here.

Stand in front of the light.

Stand still.

So I can see your silhouette.

I hope that you have got all night,

Cause I'm not done looking,

No I'm not done looking...yet.



I search your profile,

for a translation.

I study the conversation,

like a map.

Cause I know there is strength

in the differences between us,

and I know there is comfort,

where we overlap.....

~Ani DiFranco